​Being wrong about things I hold dear is a frightening thought. I've been wrong plenty of times, but I've also been right a fair amount. But finding myself on the outside of some so-called woke principles, I thought I'd explain my thoughts on them in the name of balance.

As a retired father and grandfather, my life is greater than I could have ever hoped. I fought my way through some tough times with the freedoms my country allowed me to capitalize upon, freedoms for which many do not take advantage. I would enjoy it more if not told every day that we live in an overtly racist country, that we have to pay for the sins of our forefathers, and we are unkind to people not like us. People, with megaphones and platforms much bigger than mine, say these things every day. While a correct statement for a few, it is wildly overstated when applied as a social pandemic that defines most of us as evil practitioners. Or am I wrong?

I don't fear people who disagree with me. In fact, I learn from them. But I do fear the silence of citizens who disagree with what may be called a woke agenda. If we silent citizens don't speak up, we are not a mediating force to those who wish us to remain silent. A vocal minority overwhelming a silent majority—that's scares me!

Some personal thoughts on today's topics:

• Expectations: Perfection in life is impossible and unnecessary for improvement. Agreement between opposing philosophies is very tough to achieve, but easier when absolutes are not expected. Cooperative discussion is possible.
• Love of Country: America has made the world a better place. Knowing we Americans have and will make terrible mistakes in decisions of all sorts, I'll take my chances in the USA every day.
• Cancel Culture: To remove the names of Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, etc. from schools is ridiculous. Do those seeking to do so have a higher claim or better candidates for those naming rights, without objection.
• BLM: Black lives do certainly matter! But the BLM organization conflates what is obvious with what is not. BLM's philosophy is very divisive and often in violent ways. They protect and publicize themselves with a self-imposed name that scares people from commenting on their admitted anti-family, Marxist, and other destructive ideals. 
• Family and Values: When possible, I believe a nuclear family is the best potential situation for children. To denigrate this beneficial social microcosm, as the BLM has done, is nonsensical. Other family structures can work, but I put my money on the success of children from healthy nuclear families. A mom and a dad working together to raise children is the optimum situation when attainable. (Look up the stats for children from fatherless homes.)
• Looting: I think looting is childish, selfish, and stains the innocent people in that community.
• Word Police: The 'Word Police' are beyond any micro-measure of over-sensitivity. The word 'picnic' is banned at Brandeis University in favor of 'outdoor eating' because it is related to racism somehow. 'Ladies and gentleman' is banned! You must say 'y'all or people' in its place. The term 'homeless person' is banned, to be replaced with 'person experiencing housing insecurity'. Give me a break!
• Racism: I believe white supremacy is abhorrent, but far from pervasive. Racism of any kind is demeaning and cruel, but race relations have improved immensely since the Jim Crowe days. A biased country could never have made the racial progress achieved in this century, nor would the Nigerian, Jamaican, Asian, and other 'peoples of color' (a term banished by Brandeis) succeed beyond that of many native-born Americans.
• Gender Demands: Science says there or only two sexes, male and female. If some people want to claim otherwise, admitting to a spectrum of identity, let them be! However, to compel others to change language (birthing person?) based on 0.6% of the population is not reasonable. How many other groups would change language to fit their beliefs or lifestyle for inclusivity? There must be hundreds of identifiable groups representing over 0.6% of the population.
• Sensitivity: We are told not to be judgmental by those who judge themselves. I think being judgmental can be good when done honestly, properly and helpfully. I'm very judgmental of my kids' and grandkids' behavior when necessary. My wife is very judgmental of my behavior! Don't be afraid of realizing truths or noticing misconceptions as they relate to you.
• Equity: I believe in a meritocracy for the mentally and physically capable. Equal opportunity for all is crucial, but equity requires too many conditions that are not helpful. A mule would have to have a ¾ track lead to win half the races (equal outcome) with a thoroughbred. Wrestlers don't compete in sprints and sprinters don't wrestle. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and it's best that we don't require all to win equally outside their strengths.
• Diversity: Diversity is a great idea if it goes towards solving problems and not quotas. The diversity of ideas is the best example of this, but is actually unappreciated by many who push diversity mostly in terms of race or gender. All races and genders are problem solvers! Just go with that. When I told a friend 'of color' that I don't see 'color' in terms of ability or rights, she then told me that by not seeing her color, I was not seeing her. I lost the war of being open-minded.
• Sports and Politics: Politics should stay out of sports! This is one activity that brings people of all persuasions together. It should be a 'safe place' (a woke term) from political discussion. Athletes can speak their mind on their own time and in civilian clothes.
• Defunding Police: Until crime subsides in certain areas, it makes little sense to reduce police presence. Do I have to explain? Rhetoric is loud, but statistics are convincing.
• Voting Rights: 80% of Americans believe an ID should be required to vote. Period! Show up.
• Immigration: Immigrants are the backbone of this country and have made it great. But immigration should be controlled, or we lose control of what it means to be a citizen.
• Leftist Leverage: Neither universities nor media are politically balanced. This is where the vocal minority live. It is not a beneficial for our country when half the citizenship is misrepresented, even mislead. Political views of those teaching our young must be balanced. News coverage should be fairly represented, and opinions should be debated.
• Free Speech: It's the First Amendment! Banning hate speech depends on your definition of hate. It's merely censorship of those we don't want influencing people that we want to influence. Some speech is abhorrent to us or others, but should we not see and hear who is saying such things and know who they are. Weak ideas fail over time.

These are the best of times, and there are those that don't want us to know it. Poor US citizens of today live better than royalty of two hundred years ago, allowing us to drill down deep for something to complain about. When topics like word banning, gender identification offenses, who can use a bathroom, microaggressions, inclusivity, equity, and safe spaces are in the news, it could mean we are in a wonderful age of needing to create crises. But war, ISIS, famine, drug abuse, jihad, disease, genocide, etc., although many of these situations are improving each decade, still exist throughout the world; just not enough to stop some people from complaining about their victimhood.

Being criticized does not scare me. Maybe I will learn from those critiques, as I hope others learn from mine. Criticism from others is their fears coming to light! That’s what I am doing here. But what scares me most? That there are those who will not speak up, afraid to admit their opinions publicly because of an apathetic will, fear of confrontation, or the loss or their incomes, even friends. How did we get to this place? A place where only one side can speak freely without fear of reprisals!

​https://boonecountryconnection.com/news/community-interest/8309-the-power-of-dadhood-by-michael-byron-smith

By Dianne Sudbrock

Michael Byron Smith is a local property owner and photographer who has captured beautiful photos of our beloved southwestern St. Charles County area. But more importantly, he has written a book on fatherhood that is full of common-sense advice for new and existing fathers (and mothers).


Michael was born and raised in the St. Louis area and grew up with a father who was mostly absent. “My father was a severe alcoholic and didn't take care of our large family. He was often unreachable, whether away from home or in the next room. Mom essentially raised us by herself on a waitress’s salary”, he said. Michael’s mom worked two jobs most of the time, and they moved frequently by necessity. “I went to no less than 35 schools,” he said, “and one Christmas the only presents we received had been left on our porch by a local church, Mom being out of work at the time.”

Michael knew at an early age that he did not want to live like that all his life; and he had dreams of being a pilot. Without anyone encouraging him to do so, he studied hard in school. “I knew I couldn’t be a military pilot unless I was an officer, and that required a college degree. Therefore, it was up to me to take my studies seriously to find a way into college.” His hard work and good grades were eventually rewarded with a full scholarship to Washington University in St. Louis. “Wash U. helped me change my life forever”, said Smith, “by awarding me a scholarship offered to need-based students.”

“Having a goal helped me out of a tough situation. I was the only high school graduate of the six children in my family. My siblings never developed goals or a passion for something specific they wanted to do, so they just glided along. I had a reason for everything I did. I had a mission, and I was able to reach it. I joined R.O.T.C., graduated with an Engineering degree, and then went to USAF Pilot Training after receiving my Second Lieutenant Bars.”

“But then,” Michael said, “a weird thing happened. After reaching my goal of becoming a pilot, I didn’t have anything pulling me forward. I loved flying and was no longer poor, but my weak social skills stalled my progress.”

“When my six-year Air Force commitment was up, I had to decide what to do. If I made it a career, I knew I would have to move at least four more times. I had never had a stable home and wanted to experience that with my wife and children. My new goal became that, a stable home! Unfortunately, I would miss flying.”

Michael joined the Missouri Air National Guard working full-time for a few years, then part-time, eventually retiring as a Colonel. Michael worked at Boeing as an engineer representing the Defense Department, and along with his wife, raised a family of his own - two girls, one boy.

“I knew before I ever had children that I wanted to be a better dad than the one I had,” Michael said, “but I didn’t know how”. He continued, “Like most men, I didn’t read books on parenting, but I did know I needed to be there for my kids, reading to them and spending time together. I made it a priority.” As the years went by, Michael learned what worked and what did not. “I learned that saying ‘because I told you to’, just makes kids rebellious. But by explaining my reasoning (time allowing), they could understand a little better, and they felt respected.”


Coming upon retirement, Michael needed another goal, not one that would help him, but others - especially kids. He decided to write a book about what he observed in families when a father was involved, and when one was not. Starting in 1999, Michael began researching and taking notes, eventually publishing “The Power of Dadhood - How to Become the Father your Child Needs” in 2015.

Smith said, “There are many different types of fathers: absent fathers, uninvolved or under-involved fathers, loving fathers, authoritarian fathers, and more. But all fathers are human, and therefore, imperfect; hopefully, this book will help any father earn the title of ‘Dad’ - imperfect but trying his best!

Smith says he wrote his book, “Especially for men (and women) who grew up without a good fathering role model.” Designed to be a mentoring book, it is written in easy to read, common sense language to help fathers meet the ever-changing challenges of dadhood.

For those parents that are short on reading time, there are two helpful appendices. The first suggests ‘Seven characteristics of a successful Dad’ – Being Involved, Consistent, Fun, Principled, Loving, Balanced, and Passionate – with Smith explaining each characteristic. The second appendix is a ‘Dad’s Self Inspection Checklist’ to help fathers reflect on their relationship with their children: questions include, “Are you affectionate or distant and reserved? Do you encourage or belittle when mistakes are made? Do you set a good example of kindness, values, and manners?” etc.

There is a crisis today of too many children being raised without effective fathering. The statistics are frightening! Poverty, drug use, teen pregnancies, crime, suicide, truancy, etc. are many times greater without father involvement. ‘The Power of Dadhood’ teaches that fathers are vitally important to the futures of their children. The information in the book can also benefit women, not only from a parenting perspective, but perhaps more importantly, in helping to choose a man who has the potential to become a helpful and supportive father for her children.

To purchase a copy of ‘The Power of Dadhood’, please visit www.michaelbyronsmith.com or order on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. On this website, Michael also writes a weekly Blog: ‘Helping Fathers to be Dads’ in which he shares additional thoughts and welcomes thoughts and discussion from readers.

In general, society sees dads as falling short as parents compared to moms. I agree with that--in general. I know many wonderful fathers. In fact, almost all my male friends are great dads. But when you look at the fathers in a much larger framework, across the USA--absent and distant fathers are contributing to an epidemic of social issues. Even effective dads could be more effective with just a few changes. But what are some of the possible reasons for men coming up short compared to women as parents? Here are my observations as an observer of fatherhood

1. Dads do not carry or give birth to the baby--a distinct disadvantage in connecting. The baby has heard the mother’s heartbeat for months. The mother has felt the kicks. A natural consequence, dad is an outsider for the most part until the child is born.


2. Dads read about sports, finance, politics, outdoors, bar-be-cuing, etc. – not parenting. It’s true! It was even true for me. I blame myself, but I also blame the fact that few parenting books or articles are written with the father in mind. It’s a chicken or the egg problem. Would more parenting topics for dads be written if they would read them, or would they read more if they were written specifically for dads? I guess the response to my book may answer that.


3. Dads are told they aren’t as good as moms are with their kids—and they believe it. Call a man a bad sport, or a poor leader, or a whiner and he will be p*ssed! Tell him he can’t parent without his wife’s direction or help, he may just shrug. Some mothers overrule fathers in parenting which should never happen. There must be compromise and agreement in parenting.


4. Dads don’t talk to each other about being fathers. I watched the Today show the other day and Willie Geist had some of his friends on the air to talk about being dads. When the segment was over he said, paraphrasing, “it was interesting because we never talk about being dads to each other”. It’s true. It’s very rare for men to talk about being dads.


5. Although changing a bit, dads are not at home with their kids as much as moms. There are more moms working and more stay-at-home-dads (SAHD) than ever before. But dads still are away from home much more than moms. Only 5-6% of families have SAHDs.


6. Dads assume they are doing the right things as dads, and don’t look to improve. In general, men think providing and being around are all that’s necessary. Well, it’s a good start but there is so much more! It is a rare dad that will consciously look for ways to be a better father.


7. Nature favors moms as caretakers. Women seem to have a sixth sense about parenting that most men don’t have. I think most everyone would agree. Of course, exceptions do exist.


8. Society expects moms to take on the bigger parenting role. Historically, it has always been this way. It doesn’t have to be so, and it may not be that way for your situation, but I expect that expectation will remain for quite some time.


9. Competition among men does not include being good fathers. Be it softball, arm-wrestling, checkers, or fantasy sports, men like to compete. When you compete, you try to get better. But men don’t compete as parents and there is no compulsion to get better other than your personal desire.

It would be unfair to label all men as the weaker parent.  But when you see the issues in our society, such as poverty, crime, teen pregnancy and violence, that exist in broad areas of our country, especially in inner cities, know that a primary cause is ineffective families due to missing fathers.

Of the nine reasons fathers may trail mothers as parents, only #1 and #7 are not going to change. The rest can change and have been changing as of late, but the process has been slow.  Somehow we need to encourage and mentor fathers or fathers-to-be in their responsibilities as parents, thereby interrupting the cycle of ineffective families. Nothing will change until the offspring of ineffective families get help, or find the energy/desire, to pull themselves out of their situation.

Of those men who are involved fathers, know that your different style is of great value to both your sons and daughters. Two parents means twice the love, twice the variety and twice the protection, at the very least! And as important, being an involved father brings a masculine view of the world to your children, a valuable complement to the feminine view brought by their mothers, allowing their insights and understanding of the world and to be balanced.

Note:
For any dad, my book, "The Power of Dadhood: Be the Father Your Child Needs" will help you, at a minimum, with reasons #2, #3, and #6.