Helping Fathers Become Dads - MichaelByronSmith: The Power of Dadhood

A Heartfelt Father’s Day Gift from a Mother to her Son, now a Father.

6/10/2025

Is your son ready to embark on the most rewarding adventure of is life—fatherhood? “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs” is the perfect guide for a new father looking to embrace his role with confidence, wisdom, and love. All fathers for that matter!

Why this book is the ultimate gift for a new dad?

Insightful guidance: Packed with practical advice and relatable anecdotes, this book illuminates the unique and powerful role that fathers play in shaping their children’s lives.
Emotional connection: Dive into the heartfelt wisdom of author Michael Smith, who shares his personal journey of becoming the father he always wanted to be.
Framework for growth: Learn how to balance discipline and love, build strong bonds, and create a positive environment for your child to thrive.

A book for fathers, by a father

“The Power of Dadhood” is not just a parenting manual; it’s a celebration of fatherhood. Written by a dad who understands the challenges and triumphs of raising a child, this book offers real-life strategies and encouragement to help new fathers become the heroes their children deserve.

Perfect for any stage of fatherhood. Whether you’re a first-time dad or seeking to deepen your connection with your child, this book provides timeless advice that grows with you. It’s a gift not only for today but for the lifetime of lessons and memories ahead.

A message from mother to son

As your mother, I know the love and care you will bring to your child. With this book, I hope to offer you a compass to guide your fatherhood journey, so you can impact your child’s life as deeply as you’ve impacted mine.

Your child deserves the best version of their dad

Step into your role as a father with clarity and purpose. “The Power of Dadhood” is your trusted companion, offering both inspiration and actionable strategies to help you become the dad your child needs.

Start your journey today! Give the gift of empowered fatherhood—grab your copy of “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs” and make every moment with your child count.

Be the dad your child looks up to, learns from, and cherishes forever. Because being a father isn’t just a responsibility—it’s a privilege.

Mom, empower your son's Fatherhood Journey with “The Power of Dadhood”

A Plea for Fathers to Be Dads

5/28/2025

A book of how and a book of why.

Embracing the Role of Family Pillar

In today's fast-paced world, the role of a father has become more crucial than ever before. Fathers are called upon not just to be providers but to be deeply involved and present in their children's lives. This plea is an earnest call for fathers to embrace their roles as dads, to be the pillars of strength, guidance, and love in their families.

The Essence of Fatherhood

Fatherhood is not merely a biological connection; it transcends into an emotional, psychological, and moral bond that shapes the lives of children. The essence of being a dad goes beyond financial provision; it encompasses being an active participant in the joys, struggles, and growth of the family. The presence of a father in the home has profound implications on the development and wellbeing of children.

Emotional Support and Stability

Children thrive when they feel secure and loved. Fathers who are emotionally available create a nurturing environment that fosters confidence and resilience in their children. Emotional support from fathers helps children navigate through life's challenges, providing a sense of stability and comfort. This stability is foundational to their emotional health and development.

Guidance and Mentorship

Fathers play an integral role in guiding their children through life's myriad of choices and experiences. The wisdom and insights shared by dads can significantly influence the decision-making and moral compasses of their children. Mentorship from fathers equips children with the tools to face life's uncertainties and to grow into responsible, empathetic adults.

Being Present: More Than Just Physical Presence

Being a dad is about being present in the truest sense. It means being engaged, attentive, and invested in the lives of one's children. Physical presence without emotional engagement can lead to feelings of neglect and disconnection. Fathers must strive to be present in mind, heart, and spirit, actively participating in the milestones and daily activities of their children.

Quality Time

Spending quality time with children is invaluable. Whether it's sharing meals, playing games, or simply talking, these moments create lasting memories and build strong, healthy relationships. Fathers should prioritize time with their families, making efforts to be there for school events, sports games, and important life moments.

Listening and Communicating

Effective communication is at the heart of healthy relationships. Fathers need to listen actively and communicate openly with their children. This involves not just hearing words but understanding emotions and perceptions. Open dialogue fosters trust and strengthens the bond between father and child.

The Impact of Father Involvement

Research consistently shows that children with involved fathers experience better outcomes in various aspects of their lives. From academic performance to social skills, the presence of a nurturing dad makes a significant difference. Fathers who are engaged contribute to their children's sense of identity, self-worth, and overall well being.

Academic Achievement

Children with supportive fathers tend to perform better academically. The encouragement and involvement of dads in educational activities motivate children to excel and pursue their academic goals. Fathers provide a unique perspective that complements the educational support offered by mothers.

Social Development

Fathers influence their children's social skills and interactions. Engaged dads model positive behaviors, teaching children how to build relationships, resolve conflicts, and navigate social settings. The guidance of fathers helps children develop empathy, respect, and effective communication skills.

Overcoming Challenges

Fatherhood is not without its challenges. Balancing work, personal life, and family responsibilities can be demanding. However, the rewards of being an involved and present father far outweigh the difficulties. Fathers must recognize the importance of their role and make conscious efforts to overcome obstacles that hinder their involvement.

Work-Life Balance

Achieving a balance between professional commitments and family life is essential. Fathers should seek flexible work arrangements where possible and prioritize family time. Employers can play a role by supporting work-life balance initiatives that enable dads to be more present in their children's lives.
Personal Growth and Self-CareFathers need to take care of their own mental and emotional health. Personal growth and self-care are crucial for fathers to be at their best for their families. Seeking support from peers, engaging in hobbies, and taking time for oneself can rejuvenate dads, making them more effective and present in their parenting roles.

A Call to Action

This plea is a heartfelt call to all fathers to embrace their roles as dads wholeheartedly. Your presence, love, and guidance are irreplaceable in the lives of your children. Be there for them, not just as providers but as mentors, friends, and role models. Remember, the impact of your involvement resonates throughout their lives, shaping the adults they will become.

Together, let us celebrate fatherhood by nurturing strong, supportive, and loving families. Fathers, let’s be dads. Let’s be there. For our families, for our children, for the future.

For help in meeting the challenges of fatherhood, read “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father your Child Needs”

To understand, through a true story, how a lack of fathering can impact a child or a family, read “A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger”

Being Debt Free Starts in Your Teens

5/3/2025

Being Debt Free Starts in Your Teens

This is advice for young people to avoid the worries that debt can create in their future. The concepts are simple, and the only complication is being disciplined. And if you are a parent, pass these recommendations along to those you love.

When I was a 12-year-old kid way back in 1962, my favorite treat was a Hostess Cup Cake, that chocolatey, icing-covered, cream-filled cake with the white twirls on top. I would slowly eat the icing on the cake’s circumference, then save the biggest creme-filled bite for last! I didn’t enjoy it very often because money was tight. Back then, a Hostess Cup Cake only cost 12 cents, but that equates to $1.26 in today’s inflated dollars. My mother’s waitress’s income was not sufficient to raise six children, let alone spend it on frivolous items like cupcakes times six children!

Today, I find Hostess Cup Cakes cost as much as $2.50! That’s double what inflation would explain. However, this tasty treat has been replaced by others; and although I can now afford them, the price seems high (with my knowledge of seemingly cheaper times) helping me avoid the temptation. But financially, buying a $5 chocolate chip cookie or cinnamon roll is a non-issue for me. I can buy them without financial guilt, only caloric shame.

Understanding the Value of Money

Where am I going with this? The cost of items you may desire should not be measured in dollars alone, but in the alternative uses of that dollar, AND the percentage of dollars you have available to spend on any purchase.
Think of dollars as water. The deeper the water, the more money you have. If your money is a small puddle, then removing a cupful will be noticed. If, on the other hand, you have a swimming pool of money, you could remove 100 bucketfuls and not notice the loss. Those are the extremes to illustrate the example of water as money.

My mother barely had a puddle of water in terms of money. Even removing spoonful would be noticed, and if not used to relieve debt or feed her children – it would be misspent. I, in turn, escaped the turmoil of my youth, and performed simple but important acts to build wealth, i.e. a deeper pool of money. Here’s how.

Lifestyle Choices and Financial Discipline

According to a study by the Brookings Institute, in order to not be poor takes three simple acts:

Finish High School.
Get a full-time job.
Wait until age 21 to marry and have children.

My mother did none of these steps, and worse, she married at 16 years of age to a man nine years her senior, who decided not to take care of his family. On the other hand, I unknowingly followed the advice of the Brookings study and went even further.

I not only finished High School, but received a scholarship, due in part to my financial need, receiving a college degree.
I joined the US Air Force right after college. A full-time job.
I didn’t marry or have children, until I was 25 years of age.

I was now able to build wealth or deepen my pool of water (assets) towards a large bucket of water from a puddle. But I didn’t have wealth immediately. I could have spent every dime on a decent home, a few essentials, and fun; but my bucket of money would have remained only a bucket.
Creating Wealth

To save money and create wealth requires taking and being faithful to these actions.

Know where your money is going. Have a budget and stick to it.
Make saving any amount a priority. The more, the better!
Save using automatic transfers to an interest bearing account or investment. You won’t miss it if you never see it.
Find ways to increase your income through working smartly and education.
Be disciplined. Have fun for sure! But be wise.

Too many young people don’t bother to fill their financial vessel, whether it’s a bucket, a bathtub, or a small swimming pool. With the steps above and persistence, their buckets can fill their bathtub, and their bathtub can feed into their modest but growing swimming pool of wealth. Sure, it takes time, but the rewards are well worth it.

Parental Guidance and Support

Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children's financial habits. Here are a few ways parents can support their teens in becoming debt-free:

Lead by Example: Demonstrate responsible financial behavior and share your experiences and lessons learned.
Encourage Open Discussions: about money matters, budgeting, and financial goals.
Provide Resources: Offer books, articles, and online resources that teach financial literacy.
Set Up Savings Accounts: Help your teens set up savings accounts and guide them in managing their finances.

Conclusion

Being debt-free starts with making informed and disciplined financial decisions from a young age. By understanding the value of money, building a strong financial foundation, and adopting practical steps to save and invest, teenagers and young adults can pave the way for a financially secure future. Parents can play a vital role in guiding and supporting their children on this journey. Remember, financial freedom is not about having a large income but managing the income you have wisely. Start early, stay disciplined, and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with being debt-free.
I’m not ‘yacht’ wealthy, but I am ‘new car’ wealthy, meaning I can’t but a yacht. That would empty my modest but sufficient pool of water (wealth). But I could buy a new car and not be in financial trouble. And most of us can reach a ‘new car’ level of wealth without being super-smart or a talented entrepreneur. Assuming you are healthy and loved, there is no better feeling than being debt-free!

Michael Byron Smith

Note: To read more about my childhood and escape, read my book; A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger (#avagabondlife).
To learn about the power of being a father, read my book; The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Child Needs (#powerofdadhood).

I Guess I’m a Blockhead Writer

1/26/2025

“No man but a blockhead ever wrote a book except for money.”
~ Samuel Johnson

I’m the author of two books, never having formal training as a writer, but having a message I wanted to share. To take on such a task as authoring a book is mostly underappreciated. Despite the challenges of writing and publishing, a dedication to emphasizing the significance of family, motherhood, and fatherhood is a driving force. The results have been mixed.

Here are a few hard facts:

Few people aim to write a book, and only 3 out of 100 will complete it.

Only 1% to 5% of completed manuscripts are accepted by publishers.

Ninety-five percent of all published books sell less than 200 copies.
Each author competes with the 3,000,000 books that are published each year.

Less than 1% of published books make it to bookstores.

Authors are responsible for marketing their own books, as publishers typically provide minimal or no marketing support.

Only 1 in 10,000 authors earn their income from writing, and most do not rely solely on book sales.

Despite this bleak picture, I found an excellent traditional publisher, Familius LLC, who took a chance on a nobody with a tiny platform. As a result, The Power of Dadhood: How to be the Father Your Child Needs sold over 5000 copies at this point, and an unknown amount in China, where it was translated into traditional Chinese. Modest sales but I beat the odds.
Here's the ‘blockhead’ part of my story. Although my first book achieved moderate success, I incurred substantial financial losses covering editing, marketing, and other expenses. Additionally, I invested countless hours in research and writing. I received less than $1.00 for each sale. But I don’t care! (Of course, I wish I made money!)
My second book, A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger, is the story of my growing up wanting more from my father, but something he was unable to do. This book explains why I wrote my first book, and why I continue to write hundreds of blogs on <MichaelByronSmith.com> to bring light to the importance of family and the need for loving fathers in the home. This book is self-published and is still below the average of 200 in sales. While not successful, at least yet, l will continue to market A Vagabond Life and The Power of Dadhood hoping it will help families.
I take my own advice; advice I’ve given my children. That advice was, “try like hell, but don’t give a damn.” I later saw a quote from T.S. Elliot that said the same thing, but more eloquently, “Teach us to care and not to care.” It means simply to do your best and do not fret over the results.

Summary

I wrote this post for three reasons.

I think it could be of interest to readers of books and those inspired to write them.
It’s cathartic to me to express my desires and frustrations.
I hope my books can help others - dads, moms, and especially their children.

Thank you for your time and interest!

#powerofdadhood

The Godfather, The Captain, Atticus, and Gil

1/7/2025

“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.”
Don Corleone in “The Godfather”

( originally published Jan 26 2015)

What kind of father are you? Are you kind, funny, aloof, authoritarian, nurturing, absent, a provider, stay-at-home, or confused? Most of us are combinations of these descriptors with maybe one or two dominant characteristics. Let’s see if we can group fathering characteristics and instead, look into fathering styles or types.

Four Father-Types

I’ve devised four father types, based on characters whom we are familiar with if we’ve seen their movies. These are The Godfather, The Captain, Atticus, and Gil. After you’ve read my descriptions/interpretations of each one, think about which type you identify with the most. Certainly most of us dads have some characteristics of all of these fathers, but usually one type will stand out?

The Godfather

Don Corleone, in “The Godfather” is a kind and generous family man who lives by a strict moral code of loyalty to family first, friends second. He will protect all from their enemies. He is also a man of power who demands respect commensurate with his status. He is the leader of the family and his word is law. He teaches family loyalty and commitment above all else. He brings order to all and through his strength and balanced skills. He leaves a legacy of change that will last. A larger than life personality who teaches loyalty and dedication.

The Captain

The Captain in “The Sound of Music” is a self-disciplined, decisive man, who is in control of himself and expects the same from others. A man of action, shy of real emotion, tied to rituals and routine, he is competitive and highly principled. He is a loving man but he isn’t demonstrative in showing it. He teaches respect and responsibility.

Atticus

Atticus Finch, the father in “To Kill a Mockingbird”, played by Gregory Peck, is an insightful man with high morals and keen intelligence. He has genuine humility and a natural dignity. His ego does not drive him. Atticus is serious but loving to his children, passing on sage advice but not likely to play and act goofy with his kids. He is also consistent and reliable. His power comes from thoughtful reflection and meditation. He teaches integrity and does it with his brain.

Gil

Steve Martin plays Gil Buckman in the movie “Parenthood”. Gil is a man who wants to be a good father, not having had a good one himself. Gil is passionate about his parenting. He’s fun, unassuming, and caring. Gil has a soft and emotional heart. He would be likely to write heartfelt notes to his children and act silly with them. He is idealistic about life and looks to bring goodness to all. He teaches love and understanding with his heart.

So who are you most like and who would you most want to emulate?

The Potential Dark Side

Before I go on, there are versions of the characters that can go to an opposite extreme.

The Godfather type can become a tyrant, misusing his power for his own selfish gains which Don Corleone does, but not within his family—unless it serves the family.
The Captain can become a sadist or self-destructive when he sets aside emotional needs too long. This could be why soldiers develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). Some Captain types become workaholics, trying to get to the top for the sake only of being on top. Some demand too much from their family like Robert Duvall’s character in “The Great Santini”.
An Atticus type can become a con man, using his skills of charm and intellect to fool people for his own gain. He can also be narcissistic. Bigamists can often be an example this dark side of Atticus.
Gil can become a dreamer or a weakling, sometimes uncertain of his ability to provide, or to be a good father, something Gil went through in the movie.

Self-Analysis

I would like to have the power and respect of Don Corleone, the discipline and decisiveness of The Captain, the intellect and dignity of Atticus, and the dedication and passion of Gil. If I am honest about my own identity as a father, I think I come closest to Gil. When I saw that movie, I very much identified with him, maybe because I was unsatisfied with my own father, maybe because my children’s well-being are so important to me, maybe because I am occasionally emotional about my family. But I do have some characteristics of all of these four types. Like most men, I would like to leave a legacy. I was a military man for 29 years and preach responsibility. I also try to pass on “sage advice” to my children, now grandchildren. Lastly, if I were to become another father type, I would like to have more traits like those of Atticus.

Summary

It is useful to know about different fathering styles and to examine your own. You may understand better how you father your children or why you do it your way. This knowledge is useful when dealing with family issues, how they come about, and how you can resolve them. There is no need in becoming the style of father you’re not comfortable being. It wouldn’t work anyway. You have to be you, but you can always be a better you, staying completely away from the dark side of these father types.

The father types I mention here are my own vision and in no way are they complete or scientific. They were, however, very loosely based on the idea of male archetypes from the book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” by Robert L. Moore and Douglas Gillette. If you are interested in a more scientific analysis of the male archetype and where you may fit in, you can take a KWML test I discovered at http://www.kwml.com/contemplate/assembler.php?page=welcome. These archetypes and their test results are a description of particular male types-- not styles of fathering, per se.

Go be a good father in your own style—be a Dad!

The World’s Greatest Dad

1/6/2025

urbanloftart.com

Just how many men have the distinction of being the World’s Greatest Dad? It’s a mantle shared by many. Some men deserve it, and some don’t, but what is really important is what the children of those men think. Of course, there is no single ‘world’s greatest dad’ because the ‘world’ to any child is their own father. To your child, no one on earth has your potential as a guardian, mentor, and confidant. I use the word ‘potential' because some men, for any number of reasons, fall short in their parenting. Here are a few actual reasons fathers fail to be “Dads”.

Alcohol problems
Drug addiction
Busy Career
Wasn’t what I wanted
It a mother’s job
Don’t know how
Health issues
Kids are difficult
Objections of the mother

I’ve yet to hear a good reason to fail as a father. Some of the reasons listed above are absurd while others are unfortunate, but not a real hindrance. The closest excuse to a true hindrance is the objections of the mother who severely restricts involvement by a father with the backing of the courts. This is an actual and often tragic situation for a man who wants dearly to be a part of his child’s life. This precludes those men who are a real danger to their children, but those type of men are rare. Beyond motherly or court-ordered obstacles, all men have a relatively easy path to the greatest reward they can ever achieve – “The World’s Greatest Dad.”

Let me explain what I mean by ‘easy.’ No, being a loving and nurturing parent is not easy. Raising children takes much patience, time, and money, not to mention the coordination of parenting methods with their mother. But the easy part is getting the adoration of your kids for the mere fact you are their dad. Every ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ is the one who kisses his child goodnight, who brags on their artwork, who loves the people they love, who gives them rides on their backs and listens to their problems. If you do those and other little things that all children need, you will undoubtedly deserve your t-shirt, mug, or crayon poster with your name on it -- “Dad.”

Never take something like this child-appointed award for granted just because you see other dads with the same prize! It’s not a competition -- it’s a great honor bestowed upon you by the most important people in your world. If you have really earned it, you will wear it, drink from it, or post it with true pride because “The Power of Dadhood” is real!

Consider reading my book, A Vagabond Life: A Memoir of Father Hunger - What it does to families and how I conquered it.

Michael Byron Smith

Where are the Normies? They're not in Local News

8/2/2024

Like Supreme Court judge, Potter Stewart, once said, “I can’t define pornography, but I know when I see it.”

I think our view of what’s abnormal could be a similar quote. Certainly, what is normal varies from nation to nation, group to group, and individual to individual. And I’m not saying being abnormal or different is necessarily bad. We have as a nation excelled by many who may be described as not normal, different, or eccentric.

Where am I going with this? I believe that normality is underrated, underreported, and underappreciated.

We forget the normal when we see the news in the many ways it is presented or not presented to us. Some examples: 1) Safe airliner landings are not noticed. 2) Good manners are the norm in the world I live in. 3) I go to my grandkids’ ball games and dance recitals where moms, dads, siblings and grandparents, sometimes even neighbors go to watch. 4) I don’t see homeless people sleeping in my neighborhood. 5) I haven’t seen a drunk in public in years nor do I hear gunshots at night. This makes me a happy camper, i.e. until I see the news.

But you say, “of course you would never hear about a safe landing. That’s the norm!” See my point? Then there will be those who say, “well, you’re lucky because there are many out there that don’t have what you have or live where you live.” That is true! What is normal for me in those examples is not normal for everyone. Wouldn’t it be nice if it was. The US poverty rate is 11-12 percent, way too high, but not high enough to be called normal. I lived in poverty as a child, and although it was prevalent, it never was normal to me. I didn’t allow it to be!

The news is a bit like gaslighting. When you hear something over and over, you think what you are hearing is normal. As an example, these days you often hear stories of people claiming to be a sex at odds with the biology of their body. I sympathise with their plight. Thoughts and opinions on that topic are frequent because never before has this been considered normal. The frequency of the reporting will leave one with the impression it is more common than it is. When will we stop hearing trans stories? When and if it approaches being normal, or when topic becomes uninteresting.

Another example of news stories gaslighting society involves police shootings of people in the black community, mainly black men. Just one is too many, but when asked many have guessed it happens thousands of times a year. Actually, it is in the range of 10-15 cop shootings of black men a year. On the other hand, black on black crimes are often underreported because it is too common of a story. There were over 10,000 black murder victims in 2022. 90% of those victims are killed by other blacks (ucr.fbi.gov). The problem is not the police nor anything inherent in the black race, it’s a lack of involved parenting in the black community, particularly the fathers since the 1960s. When 40% of all American children and 72% of black children are born to single women, it has become too common and, unfortunately, not commonly reported. When good fathers are common, crime, poverty, drug use, and unwed mothers will be reduced proportionately, and human-interest stories will have to fill time in local news.

Summary:

I rarely watch local news anymore. In any major city, the local news is rampant with reports of murder, rape, drug use, arson, and more, including some useful info. These crimes are commonly reported as they should be. I already know it is happening. And why…in large part, a lack of nurturing fathers. It can be depressing because this issue of unhealthy families are not the story on the news, just the results.

Abnormal activity gets too much attention, and it always will. I suggest not watching if you feel helpless or down about things for which you have no control. Until these news reports change to what caused the story, and what can be done to fix it, I’m not interested in watching. And remember, the normies are out there hiding within itself and away from the news cycle.

Normal (in your society) is common, but reporting on common (in your society) will never happen.

#avagabondlife #powerofdadhood

Strong Families are the Answer

7/31/2024

Strong, united, and loving families are the building blocks that make any society great. I see great families every day. Mom’s and Dad’s and their kids having fun at picnics, ballgames, the library, neighborhood get-togethers, etc. That’s because I live in a great area! But it isn’t a great area that made these families so awesome. It’s the awesome families that made the area great.

I am also familiar with not-so-great areas. Read my book, A VAGABOND LIFE: A MEMOIR OF FATHER HUNGER. I lived in neighborhoods like these for years. There, I didn’t see families like those I described above. I saw homes in terrible shape. There was potential danger around every corner. Trash littered the streets and kids roamed them, often looking for trouble. I didn’t see whole families having fun together if I saw them at all. The neighborhood didn’t make families live like this, although it did make it more difficult to escape. No, it was the lack of enough strong families that made the neighborhoods bad.

Money has little to do with making families strong. Most young families struggle with money. Classically, it’s a father and mother working together teaching values to their children. Other types of families will also succeed if their children are taught proper values and are properly cared for.

So how do we build strong families? We make laws that incentivize them to stay together, not to be apart. We teach responsibility in homes and schools. We teach young people how to run a family by understanding simple finance, having principles, being consistent, understanding each other, and fun. Who does this if the family doesn't? Too often a family fails to teach these things because they came from failed family situations. We must identify these shortcomings and fill the gap. I did my best to help by writing "THE POWER OF DADHOOD". But so much more is necessary. My book and other fine parenting books do no good unless they are read.

Below you will find a video of my extended family taken at my younger daughter’s birthday celebration. My wife, two daughters and their husbands, my single adult son, and my four grandchildren with their aunt and uncle, all having fun together, building trust, and creating memories. You are welcome to watch. Nothing too exciting going on, just a family that loves each other.

Being raised in a loving family has advantages that cannot be overstated!

The Most Concise Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Read

7/1/2024

Written by Michael Byron Smith
Published by “Helping Fathers to be Dads”
Copyright 2018 by Michael Byron Smith

Introduction

I confess. I have read quite a few self-help books in my day. I needed them at the time, and they truly helped me. Anyone who doesn’t think they need support/guidance has already had plenty of it, or they are fooling themselves and being naive. Unfortunately, I didn’t discover these books until I was fully an adult; a situation made worse because I had no true mentor growing up. Any young person who has or had a mentor is very fortunate, but even if a mentor exists there will be much they can’t or won’t know to teach you. Living a full and curious life is the best teacher, but learning from mentors and books will allow you to get to deeper aspects of life more quickly, allowing for more learning.

Often, self-help books teach lessons that on reflection seem like common sense. But common sense is a ‘basic level of practical knowledge and judgment.’ It only becomes common after we are made aware of it. Sure, there are those that pick up on some things on their own or faster than others, but not everything.

Life can be very difficult. If it were easy, we would cease to grow as interesting people. Yet, some folks are happy with little and never complain, and that’s okay. Others have an abundance of success and are never happy, that’s sad. And, of course, there are most of us in the wide spectrum in the middle. You must choose with honesty where you fall within that spectrum to change if indeed you want to change.

With that introduction, here are some simplified bits of advice on a few key areas of life. Consider this advice to be like a lioness nudging her cubs gently with her nose to go hunt. Once you learn to hunt, you have made great strides toward success, or happiness…and hopefully, both.

The ‘How-To’s

Consider this advice, change/substitute what you think may work better for you. Then go hunting for fatter prey.

How to make the Middle Class[i]

Finish high school
Get a job
Don’t get married or have children before you’re 21

How to go to college without money[ii]

Be poor (but not on purpose!)
Study with commitment and very diligently
Know your school counselor (connections are critical)
Apply for a college scholarship (Most colleges look to balance their student population with deserving students with financial needs)[iii]

How to be respected

Have Common Sense: think about what you’re doing and the possible consequences.
Be Measured: not going too far in excess on anything, anyone, or on any matter
Fairness: be honest, patient, and truthful. Keep your word and be dependable
Have Courage: stick to your ideals but listen to others

How to be a good parent [iv]

Be available
Be loving
Be consistent
Be fun
Have principles.
Read, THE POWER OF DADHOOD and A VAGABOND LIFE: A MEMOIR OF FATHER HUNGER

How to improve your health

Move around much more often
Reduce food portions
Eat fruits and vegetables
Take vitamins
See a doctor at least once a year

How to improve your attitude

Remember you have choices, to change or to accept
Consider trying a different perspective
Take responsibility for yourself and your actions
Find something important you want and work towards it

How to save money

Get the best available job that suits your abilities
Save 5% to 10% of whatever you make no matter how little your salary (YES you can!)
Don’t let your savings burn a hole in your pocket, have goals
Find yourself feeling good about what you’ve done and challenged to keep saving more
Don’t ever over-extend yourself

How to be happy

Never expect always to be happy!
Count your blessings. You have more than you think.
Respect your strengths, improve upon or accept your weaknesses
Read ‘How to improve your attitude,’ above
If these fail, you may need to supplement your natural serotonin (see a Doctor)

Summary

I think these thoughts will help you, even if you’ve heard them before. You likely have heard most and even thought them helpful but moved on without following through. Give yourself another chance. If you do believe in the advice and ignore it, you are missing possibly the most important aspect of success…MOTIVATION. Find it somewhere!

A simplified list like this one can be tacked to a wall or attached with a magnet to your refrigerator as a reminder. Someday, you may look at it at a time when motivation has, mysteriously or not, kicked in. For it takes knowledge and motivation to really move forward.

If a particular topic interests you, it is likely that you will be moved to learn more about it. Extensive material in libraries, book stores, and conveniently, the Internet will help you do research. And there are people and organizations that will help you if you ask. GO DO IT!

[i] Only 2% of poor teens who do these things remain poor. https://www.brookings.edu/opinions/three-simple-rules-poor-teens-should-follow-to-join-the-middle-class/

[ii] This is what delivered me from poverty and a cycle of dysfunction

[iii] Not a panacea. Realistically, not everyone has the intellectual or cognitive ability to thrive in school. (15% of the U.S. population has an IQ of 85 or below. Dr. Richard Haier)

[iv] from The Power of Dadhood, published by Familius, LLC

Substitute Heroes

5/17/2024

My Hero Growing Up - Jimmy Stewart

I wrote this article in 2018, four years after my first book, The Power of Dadhood, and five years before my second book, A Vagabond Life. My second book is a memoir about a family without a supportive father. My hero, Jimmy Stewart is included in A Vagabond Life.

* * *

Mentors are people that teach by example. We all need mentors as we grow through different stages of life, but especially when we are young. Children aren’t always good judges of their mentors so they may follow any example, good or bad. My father was absent most of my life, and when he was around, he was typically drunk and an embarrassment. It’s a shame because my father, when sober, was quite interesting, smart, and a gentleman. But the moments where I looked upon my dad as someone to admire was shattered continuously by the slovenly drunk he could become and did become over and over again.

As any boy would, I wanted someone to look up to and admire. I had uncles, but they were not in my life enough to have an impact. We never settled in a neighborhood long enough to hang out with boys my age that had dads I might admire. There were no older cousins, and I was the oldest of my siblings. But I did have a thirst for a role model, and subconsciously I was always looking for him.

I don’t know why, but my substitute hero became the actor, Jimmy Stewart. I’m not sure what it was that first attracted me to Mr. Stewart. I think it may have been a common interest we had in aviation. That interest was key in his acceptance of movie roles like “The Spirit of St. Louis” and “Strategic Air Command.” As I watched him in these and other movies, I became enamored by the type of characters he played. Typically, he was honorable, shy, and did the right thing. I dreamed of being like the characters he played in the movies.

As I learned more about him, I discovered that the man who played the characters I loved so much was an even better man in real life. He was a real-life pilot in the Army Air Corps/U.S. Air Force and insisted on going into combat when he could have made recruiting films. Returning from the war in late 1945, Mr. Stewart insisted that his military exploits, which included many combat missions and numerous decorations, not be publicized. I was impressed by that kind of humility. You would have to look far and wide and still not find anyone who would say anything disparaging about him. Once he married, later than most, he remained faithful although admired by many of his female co-stars.

Once, on a business trip to Los Angeles, I drove by the house he lived in for years. Unlike the big mansions behind gates and hidden by vegetation where most stars lived, Jimmy Stewart’s home was on a typical street in Beverly Hills, accessible by anyone who would have walked up to the door. Yes, his was the model I wanted to follow, big shoes to fill for sure, but I loved the challenge.

A disadvantage of having a distant hero is the inability to ask questions or to be reassured when doubts arise. But having someone to look up to, to imagine what your hero would do, is a comfort and a direction in which to look.

The idea of a substitute father/hero is a good one, but it comes with the danger of misplacing one’s trust with someone whose values are not the best or don’t gel with your personality and goals. Misplaced trust happens too often with young men without boundaries. For instance, joining a gang is often a how a young man chooses to belong, emulating the behavior of the men in that gang, most of whom are barely older and have the same identity issues. Sometimes boys in a father-deprived situation like I was look up to hyper-masculine movie heroes who mislead them about real life and being a man.

A wonderful place to go to find a substitute hero is Big Brothers (now called ‘Big Brothers, Big Sisters’), an organization I volunteered for while I was in the Air Force. Their Mission is to ‘provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one relationships that change their lives for the better, forever’.

The young man for whom I was a Big Brother was nine years old, had long hair, and very quiet. We went fishing, bowling, and to the movies. I went to his ballgames and bought him ice cream. We talked as much as I could get him to talk. I did the things I wish my father had done. While I was a young mid-twenties male with self-confidence issues myself, to him I was a successful jet pilot in the U.S. Air Force. Did he seem impressed? Not really, but that was not why I was there. I was there to show him he was important and spending time with him proved that. I let him know my dad was not there for me, just like his dad wasn’t there for him. But I became what I wanted to be . . . just like he could.

The power of example is an awesome one. We can’t let young men stumble into the wrong ones. Boys thrive on the ideals of service and sacrifice when they have the right examples to follow. I challenge all men to be available to boys who need guidance and encouragement. Young people are our most precious resource, and we must protect our future.