This will be another break from fatherhood, Dadhood, parenting, etc.  After 23 days in Italy, we are returning in two days and I must get to work marketing my book. But the trip has been great and exhausting! I’ve logged 130+ miles walking and climbing in Italy. History here in Italy is beyond compare! There is so much to learn! But photography is my hobby and I loved the Amalfi Coast, the Tuscan countryside and finally…Cinque Terre!

The Cinque Terre, "The Five Lands", is a rugged portion of coast on the Italian Riviera. It is in the Liguria region of Italy, to the west of the city of La Spezia and comprises five villages: Monterosso al Mare, Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola, and Riomaggiore , from north to south. My wife Kathy and I stayed in a very nice room in Manarola with a fantastic view as you will see in the photos. Paths, trains and boats connect the villages, and cars cannot reach all these town from the outside. 

The towns were built in coves where, naturally, water flows from streams down from the mountains. Walking streets were built over the streams and you can hear rushing water in most areas of Manarola, Venazza, and Riomaggiore. Houses were built on solid rock and those rugged mountainsides that have soil are terraced for growing grapes, olives, lemons, etc.

The variation of house colors is due to the fact that while fishermen were doing their jobs just offshore, they wanted to be able to see their house easily. This way, they could make sure their wives were still home doing the wifely duties (or so it is said). Most of the families in the five villages made money by catching the fish and selling them in the small port villages. Fish was also their main source of food. Today, tourism is their bread and butter (pane and burro).

These days the towns are connected by trains along with the trails. The ride on the train from one town to the other may take from ninety seconds to three minutes. There is not much to see on the trains in Cinque Terre because they travel through tunnels. If you hike along the coast, when they are not closed due to landslides, you can walk between towns in a short amount of time. If you hike over the mountains, it can take five hours, sweat, and lots of steps to go to all five villages!

My hike from RIomaggiore to Manarola took me an hour and twenty minutes with breaks for breathing and taking photos. My iPhone health app said I climbed 86 floors and I think it was a mile or two. In a day and a half, we visited four of the towns, missing Corniglia, but I did see it from the trail (photos) and I visited the train station late one night when I was coming back to Manarola from Riomaggiore. I missed Manarola because the stop came so quickly and the train stopped shortly in a pitch black tunnel (a standard procedure, the entire train is too long). After 20 minutes in Corniglia, I made my way back to Manarola on the next train back.

I hope you enjoy the photos. It’s a very beautiful place!! Bellissimo!

USA: A Strong Country, Weak on Children’s Welfare

In Italy, you see families walking together quite often, pushing strollers. You see this in the US too, but in my experience, it is usually at the zoo and not casually walking about town, at least with dad. As I wrote my book on Dadhood, I wondered how the USA compared with Europe in raising children successfully. This is the latest I could find.

An excerpt from my book, “The Power of Dadhood”

“In February 2007, the United Nations Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) released a report that said, among the twenty-one wealthiest nations, the United States was the worst place to raise a child. The United States ranked low on the scale regarding children who eat and talk frequently with their families and had the highest proportion of children living in single-parent families. Single-parenthood was associated with “a greater risk of dropping out of school, of leaving home early, of poorer health, of low skills, and of low pay.

Conversely, the study revealed that children in the Netherlands, Spain, and Greece “were the happiest,” and children of the Netherlands, Spain, and Portugal “spent the most time with their families and friends.” The evidence in the Netherlands and Spain supports the obvious: children’s welfare—their health and happiness—is greatly enhanced by involvement with those they love.

A partial explanation of the report’s low ranking of the United States is the competitive nature in the job market, making adults less available to their children. Jonathan Bradshaw, one of the authors of the study, stated, “The findings we got today are a consequence of long-term underinvestment in children. They [the United States and also the United Kingdom, which ranked next to last] don’t invest as much in children as continental European countries do.” (Farley)”

SO the US and UK were in last place. Not anything to brag about. We may have bigger homes, fancier cars, and larger bank accounts, but our parenting may suffer for it. It is a shame that when your children need you most, in their early years, it is also when parents are struggling in the workplace, spending time moving up the ladder instead of bouncing kids on their knees. It is important to be able to provide properly for your children, but it must not be forgotten that your attention trumps private schools and things.

We are competitive people and that is a good thing. But if we keep in mind that our children are more important sometimes than a little more overtime, then we have the proper perspective. On the other hand, those of us that are not competitive don’t always use our extra time in the best of ways! Balance is always the key to parenting!

Tuscany is a large region on the west side of Italy, halfway down the boot. It includes Florence, Siena, and Pisa. But the Tuscany many people think of is the place of mountain hugging villas, rolling hills, and vineyards. That’s the Tuscany these photos are about.

My favorite towns are Montepulciano and Pienza. Both are on hilltops with amazing views and oozing with character! The surrounding area can only be described as very comfortable, but heart-stopping beauty. Unlike scenery in the Alps or big cities, this area has a calmness about it that makes this a terrible place to make a living as a psychiatrist. One exception to sanity is the local Italian drivers. They will ride your tail like they want to crawl in your trunk, then pass you whenever the road straightens for 3-4 car lengths. There are, quite often, “unofficial” pull-over areas. When you see one, you can bet the view is spectacular! As you pull in, any driver behind you will be grateful that he can do his normal 100+ km/hr (60) mph) in a very twisty 60km/hr zone (36 mph).

I found out the hard way that the soil in the southern regions of Tuscany is mostly clay as opposed to the Chianti region, which has better soil for wine. For one photo, I walked to get the best shooting angle of a tree in a field. When I got back to the car, I felt like I was wearing lead shoe and two inches taller from the clay. It was very difficult to remove and the rental car got a little messy. Every so often, the clay hills are dotted with rocky protuberances where villages clung tightly--reeking of charm.

This wasn't Tuscany’s peak season of beauty. The trees were still barren, as were the vineyards, but some fruit trees were budding. The grass, however, was a bright green! Very lush looking. And I can’t forget the signature cypress trees that say to you, “dude, you are in Italy”!

I hope you enjoy the photos!
Mike

* The report is based on a literature review with a main focus on existing fatherhood research in Europe. The review only includes literature written in English and the Scandinavian languages. All 67 relevant articles were located through searches in databases for medicine and social sciences.

**(Plantin, 2001, On men’s perceptions and experiences of fatherhood] [dissertation]. Göteborg, University of Göteborg, Department of Social Work.).

While this blog is mainly about Dadhood--fathers and their kids, I occasionally fancy it a photography blog. I’m taking advantage of that fact while on vacation in Italy to provide a few (no, a lot of) photos. 

However, I just heard from my publisher that my book, The Power of Dadhood, has gone to press! No free copies for friends or family, except my mom! I will, however, reimburse any friend or family member that asks, but then we are through!!! (Just kidding). If you don't need a book like mine, I guarantee you know someone who CAN use it!

Now, enough of the advertising. These photos are of Sorrento, Positano, and Amalfi Town on the Amalfi Coast. These towns are just above the boot of Italy on the west side and just south of Napoli. Mountains slide right into the sea and the road from Sorrento down the Amalfi Coast is narrow and very winding. Until the 1800’s the only way to reach Positano was by donkey or sea. The people who settled in this area had no problem building right into the mountains and making use of any space available. You won't find any lawn mowers or boring scenery here!

Today, tourism is THE economy in this area. The beauty of the area is the attraction and many Italians are either bus drivers, waiters, or shop keepers. Most are very nice, but some are offended by our ways of doing things. One waiter turned sour when Kathy wanted to use Parmesan cheese on her seafood pasta. He said, “we don’t do this is Italy. We only use Parmesan on pizza.” He didn’t smile or talk to us after that. Most waiters, however, are used to the habits/customs of tourists from other countries. After all, we are the customers, but we don’t mean to disrespect their culture...and we are learning.

There are 70+ photos in this slide show! But I took many more than that of the beautiful scenery. I couldn’t stop taking photos, but you can’t stop looking at any time.

Ciao until Monday.
Mike

Buongiorno,

Before some sights of Italy (slideshow at the end) and before I talk about European fathers (next post), a little travelogue of our time here thus far with my wife Kathy, and friends, John and Vickie.

I didn't have a good title, so I did a takeoff of my book's title, The "Power of Dadhood", to keep in your head.

I come to you again from Florence, the city of art, history, science, ad scooters. As crowded as it seems to be in the streets at times, the tourist season never ends. It is amazing how ‘old’ seems cool here. Buildings in disrepair seem charming. Some streets are in nice neighborhoods that you would be afraid to walk at night, in the US, given how they appear. The Italian people are very nice and helpful, even though they have to bow to our language in their country. But they understand that Italy is a small country and Italian is not a major language. Plus they like the Euros we leave behind!

Yesterday we went to Pisa and Lucca. I was surprised we could climb to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, where amazingly the top was, or seemed, to be level! The first floor, nor the stairs definitely were not level and it felt a bit awkward. Surprising to me, the tower is hollow. It was a beautiful day with amazing views from the top. The walk from the train station to the “Field of Miracles” (where the Leaning Tower and Duomo can be found) was fun and we found the best Gelato there (see name in slideshow) in Garibaldi Square!

Lucca is a walled city with many shops and restaurants and, of course, many piazzas. We had dinner at ‘Locanda da diBacco’. After a few questions, we kinda knew what we were ordering. It was delicioso! On our walk back through town, we found a piazza ( don’t read pizza) with some kind of chocolate festival going on. Lots of samples, yum! My favorite were little balls of Nutella chocolate covered with a candy shell. I bought 7 Euros worth!

I took photos of fathers and their children on the Sunday we were in Pisa and Lucca. In that small sample size, they seemed very warm and loving to their children, carrying them on their shoulders, feeding them gelato, and playing with them in the piazzas. There were many families with their strollers walking about.

The train ride back was relaxing, especially for our feet and legs. We have been averaging over 8 miles and 20,000 steps a day walking. We’ll take the next day off from ‘maxi-touristo’ activities tomorrow before heading to the Amalfi Coast and Sorrento.

In Florence we went to the Uffuzi Museum, which has a never-ending and magnificent display of art and sculpture from the days of the Medici family. We also toured the Palazzo Vecchio palace where they lived and ruled. See photos of the palace in my last slide show and this one. The food in Florence has been great! The pasta and pizza are reasonable considering the touristy places we have eaten. The one thing that has surprised me is the amount of graffiti in Italy. You will find it everywhere outside the main tourist areas, on trains, on the side of otherwise beautifully painted buildings, on bridges, etc. But the countryside is charming.

It has been cool and windy most days but sunny outside of the first day. We all enjoy being able to see so much while walking. And we’ve just begun! Here are some photos of what I’m talking about.

Ciao for now!

Mike

It’s getting so close! And I may need your help!! Please stick with me to the end.

My earliest notes that I have found are dated in 1999. I was forty-nine years old, still busy as a civilian engineer in the aircraft industry, and a colonel in the Missouri Air National Guard. I had one daughter who had just graduated from The University of Missouri School of Journalism, a son who was attending college, and a second daughter still in high school. They were all doing well and my wife, Kathy, and I were so proud of them. It’s now 16 years later and our three children continue to thrive as are our three grandchildren and one on the way.  And those notes, started in 1999, are now coming out as a book about fathering. My publisher, www.Familius.com, so incredible to have taken a chance on an unknown author, will be releasing “The Power of Dadhood: How to Become the Father Your Children Need” on April, 28th. (It can be ordered in advance by clicking on the title, or going to Amazon.)

It was not my original intention to formally write a book. I had never been a writer or even much of a reader up until this time. No, these notes were to be organized and left to my children to let them know about what I had learned while raising them--through the mistakes I had made in ignorance, and my desire to be a better dad than the one that had fathered me and my five siblings. It was written as lessons to my children, and hopefully to my nieces and nephews. But I found it could be useful to any parent, especially men, who commonly need more help in the world of parenting than women.

I used to stop at restaurants that provided free Wi-Fi on the way home from work to brainstorm and research fatherhood and parenting websites. I reflected on where I was as a parent and how I got to be who I am. I thought about the struggles my hard-working mother had raising six children without emotional or monetary support from my father. I was saddened by the impact having an absent father had on, not only me, but my brothers and sisters.

Most, if not all of us Smith kids, grappled with a lack of confidence and self-worth. Some had minor skirmishes with authority or teen pregnancies. All, but myself, failed to get a high school degree in a traditional fashion*. Subsequently, our next generation has a mix of remarkable achievements and of continuing struggle. Not surprisingly, those in the next generation who continue to struggle have father issues. I have two great-grandnephews whose parents are not married. This is a string of five generations, starting with my father, that have had father issues, i.e. having no idea how to be, or caring to be, a father.

Without some intervening event or miracle, the father absence issue (physical and/or mental) will continue and multiply. In my book, I call this situation the ‘Cycle of Despair’—fatherless girls looking for male acceptance and finding it in fatherless boys, anxious to prove their masculinity to someone who cares for them. These boys don’t know how to be a father and often run away from the responsibility. It’s a recipe for more fatherless children.

My original subtitle was “A Better Society, One Child at a Time”. I had chosen this subtitle because struggling homes cause a struggling society. My book is full of telling statistics about the startling increase in high school dropouts, teen pregnancies, drug use, crime, mental issues, etc. that all result from an absence of fatherly support. So, every father that receives mentoring and encouragement can help to serve, not only his children, but society.

This is how you can help!

I need a team of informal ambassadors willing to spread the word of my book's launch. Asking for your help is outside my comfort zone. But, this topic is worth it. I'm not doing this for personal profit, nor do I even expect a return on what I've invested in this project. I've noticed a need! While most occupations have a training program, too many new fathers have no clue how important they are to their child, nor how to handle being a dad. This is what I care about—helping these men and their children.

With the help of ambassadors, I can get the word out that my book is available to new fathers, to struggling fathers, to fathers that want to measure themselves against a standard, and to men deciding if fatherhood is for them. It is also for moms, grandparents, wives, sisters, aunts, and friends to give to the men in their lives. After all, many men are not likely to find my book on their own! Your help will get it into the hands of the men whose kids will benefit from my "regular guy" advice, one who has seen both the good, and the bad of fatherhood.

This is truly a grass-roots effort! The goal is to prevent a child’s struggle to deal with life without a committed father to care for them, or to mentor them. As a result, it is also a grass-roots effort to cure the ills of our society, without need for prisons, welfare, or psychologists.

I appreciate anything you are willing to do: forward this post, tell a friend, post it on social media, suggest a place I can speak or sign copies, mention it on your own blog, or buy it for a father you know. If you'd like to preview the book so that you can write a review on Amazon or elsewhere, or if you have ideas to share with me, please write to me at [email protected]. I would love to communicate with you and pass on book launch info!

Thank you so much for reading my blog posts on ‘Helping Fathers to be Dads’! I don’t always have the best answers about how to parent your children, but I am willing to throw out my thoughts, listen to you, and have a discussion! Our future belongs to our children and their children. Let’s give them the tools to succeed!

Thank you so very much!
Mike

*Three siblings now have GED’s and one sister has gone on to receive her college degree!